loneliness

why..?

Why do you do this to me?...Why do you do this so easily...?..

nothing

im...so tired...So tired of being alone....

Love hurts

     Maybe i'm just too weak right now, Maybe i'm too scared to get dumped again..Maybe i'm too hard to love or maybe i'm just a piece of trash who don't deserved love. 

    But what can i do?. nothing. even if i end up being the loser again,fuck, I can't even walk away even if she doesn't really need me..All i can do is Stay and Love her with all my strength..i want to spend my remaining life for her, Remaining life? no i'm not dying but my heart is..i'm losing my mind too fast and i feel that any moment my heart will explode. But its all my fault..i'm too stupid to be honest, She's not even mine and she made me realize that with this past few days..weeks..months. But i'm still here being a nuisance by bothering her every damn time she don't want to talk to me.Its my fault for wanting to be loved, I don't even know anymore. I just need more time..more time to realize that i need to accept my fate..to accept that i'm not enough...yeah...i'm still not enough...truth hurts...

it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts,it hurts...

More than Words

Wonderwall


         Its been a while, After all this years of being alone I finally found someone that i wanna spend my whole life, cherish every moment for better or for worse. But..Its seems i'm still lacking , Why? I also don't know..To be honest , All i want is to make her happy. But i'm a greedy stupid selfish idiot , why can't i just ignore all the pain for her sake, why can't i just absorb all her hatred...I just....i just don't know what to do anymore, I'm just being a burden...i guess being a depressed really do affect relationship. But.. I'm still hoping that i can help her to find her own happiness.Happiness that can make her smile every moment.....i don't care if i end up being alone,worn out, useless when the time comes,cause All i want to to do is make her happy someday.. somehow...That's the only thing that i want to happen...She's my everything She's my Sunshine , My princess , My whole life and my World.



                                     "You Turn my whole world Upside down."

  
                                 

 
                           Ｐｌｅａｓｅ    ｄｉｓａｂｌｅ    ｍｅ.

3:30 am

           

              In this past few years of depression, I'm still trying to reach the things that i don't even know. Forcing my self to smile doesn't help me to overcome this loneliness, this feeling make's me think sometimes "am i still alive?" .I want to know the feeling of being alive, i want happiness ,
 It feels like my heart will stop beating anytime.

...i hope one day you will come and save me.

                                     



                             

Reality

Still, I've wanted to move on. To grasp on to something beyond my reach. What that is, I don't even know. All I've been able to do is to wait for tomorrow, no idea on what will happen to my life , not knowing where these obsessive thoughts come from. Then one day I realized my heart was withering, and in it was nothing but pain. Then one morning I realized that my beliefs that I had once held so passionately had completely disappeared. That was it, I couldn't take any more.

Dream

Yesterday, I had a dream... A dream I have had since long ago. In that dream, we had yet to turn 13. We were in a vast countryside, completely covered with snow. The lights of the houses extended far into the distance, a dazzling sight. We walked on the thick carpet of fresh snow, but did not leave any footprints. And like that... 'Someday we will be able to watch the cherry blossoms together again'. Both of us, without any doubt.....

That's what we thought...