3:30 am

           

              In this past few years of depression, I'm still trying to reach the things that i don't even know. Forcing my self to smile doesn't help me to overcome this loneliness, this feeling make's me think sometimes "am i still alive?" .I want to know the feeling of being alive, i want happiness ,
 It feels like my heart will stop beating anytime.

...i hope one day you will come and save me.

                                     



                             

Reality

Still, I've wanted to move on. To grasp on to something beyond my reach. What that is, I don't even know. All I've been able to do is to wait for tomorrow, no idea on what will happen to my life , not knowing where these obsessive thoughts come from. Then one day I realized my heart was withering, and in it was nothing but pain. Then one morning I realized that my beliefs that I had once held so passionately had completely disappeared. That was it, I couldn't take any more.

Dream

Yesterday, I had a dream... A dream I have had since long ago. In that dream, we had yet to turn 13. We were in a vast countryside, completely covered with snow. The lights of the houses extended far into the distance, a dazzling sight. We walked on the thick carpet of fresh snow, but did not leave any footprints. And like that... 'Someday we will be able to watch the cherry blossoms together again'. Both of us, without any doubt.....

That's what we thought...

People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made.